There was a time when I experimented with making music on an old button phone. I stumbled upon a platform that let me create ringtones, and I had so much fun playing around with it. Were they any good? I have no idea. Like most of my creative projects, I never really shared them. But that experience made me realize how much I appreciate music in all its forms. I'm open to many genres, and the more I understand the art behind it, the more I love it. Even now, I meticulously curate my Spotify playlists to match different moods and moments.

When I was around 12 or 13, I discovered the world of makeup and skincare. I instantly fell in love. Before that, I had no idea that makeup, pretty clothes, and jewelry even existed in real life. I had only ever seen them in Barbie movies! So when I realized they were real, I was beyond excited (╥ ω ╥). I was obsessed with K-pop idols and their flawless skin, which led me to explore their skincare routines. I remember watching a YouTube channel called Beauty Bible, where I first learned that sunscreen is the key to preventing breakouts.

Looking back, I see how much my mom has also been influencing my approach to skincare and self-care, even in the smallest ways. She encouraged me to always wash my face properly and the first facial cleanser she bought me was Biore. Later, I switched to Fair & Lovely. Back then, my skincare routine was simple. I washed my face, applied sunscreen, and used Silky Girl Magic powder (the blue one) along with lip balm. That was it. But at the time, it felt like the most essential beauty routine in my life. 

But skincare wasn’t just about the products. She also cared about what I ate.

I never liked vegetables, especially the cucumber in my Nasi Lemak, but my mom always said:

"Kalau nak kulit cantik, kena makan sayur and minum air kosong banyak-banyak." (If you want beautiful skin, you have to eat vegetables and drink plenty of water.)

She also never let me buy junk food at school, no matter how much I wanted to.

Looking back, I realize that I've always been creative, whether it's through music, writing, design, or something as basic as choosing a playlist. My interests may have changed throughout time, but one thing remains constant: I enjoy exploring, learning, and expressing myself in many ways.

But somewhere along the way, I lost it.

Life got overwhelming, and the things I once loved like reading, writing, creating slowly faded into the background. I found myself trapped in a cycle of doubt, overthinking, and dwelling too much on the past. I was at my lowest, unsure of who I was anymore. The version of me that enjoys books, in self-expression, in learning new things. It's felt so distant and remote.

I suppose this is what they meant when they said early adulthood was difficult. And they were right. Nobody truly prepares for what lies ahead, the weight of expectations, the uncertainty, or how easy it is to lose oneself while attempting to figure out life.

For a long time, I let that version of myself take control. 

Losing yourself is terrifying, but I’ve learned that it’s also part of life. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our pain that we forget there’s still light ahead. I spent years feeling stuck, exhausted from being sad. But one day, I realized that I was tired of being tired. I didn’t want to stay lost anymore. So I decided to let go, to accept, and to move forward, even if it was just one small step at a time.

Some people may think that if you're lost, it's because you're not praying enough or repenting enough. But I want to say this—Allah is kind. He listens, even when you can't find the words. He promised that ease will come after hardship, and I’ve held onto that promise in my own way.

“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Surah Al-Inshirah 94:6)

"And speak to people with kind words." (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:83)

Personally, I shut down when people speak with anger or arrogance, when they make faith sound like an impossible standard instead of a journey. Not everyone finds comfort in harsh words or intense reminders. And that’s okay.

I also realized that pursuing knowledge in Islam requires intellect, not just emotions or nafs. I used to be easily misled by harsh words—those that made me feel like I wasn't good enough or that my troubles were only because I wasn't repenting enough.' But, over time, I discovered that Allah is kind. Islam is designed to bring inner serenity rather than dread or sorrow. The appropriate knowledge, when comprehended with akal (intellect) rather than just feelings, provides clarity and harmony.

"So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear?" (Surah Al-Hajj 22:46)

Faith is not meant to break you, it’s meant to guide you. If something feels heavy on your soul, find a way that nurtures both your heart and mind. Allah’s mercy is vast, and He understands our struggles more than anyone ever could.

I'm learning and recovering. Some days, the sadness returns, but it no longer consumes me like it once did. And maybe that's what growth looks like. Not being perfect, but choosing to move forward regardless of the past.

But now I am here. I'm coming back. Rediscovering my glow.

So, here’s to rediscovering my glow, embracing the past, and creating something meaningful.

My 2 cents, if you ever feel lost, just know this—it's okay. You’re not alone. Keep seeking the light, even in the smallest ways. One day, you’ll find your glow again. Just like I did. This blog is a part of my journey, and if you ever need a little light, I hope you’ll find some here too.